That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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