"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize