I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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