do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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