I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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