AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
True strength comes from lack of pants
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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