Only a mothe r could love this liver
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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