Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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