Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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