I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
