Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
