On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
