yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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