Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
