Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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