Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
