i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
