Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
