Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
