I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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