I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
