a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
