Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
