you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
