apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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