i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
