Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
