why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
