She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
