I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
