I heard we made out
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
