I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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