it wasn't lemon gatorade
now i know why i became what i already was.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
