i think my mom watched the whole time
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
