some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
