its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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