planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The feeling are messing with the penis
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize