i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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