If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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