I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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