So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
