we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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