My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
