i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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