Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
