the new term for farting is butt boxing.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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