Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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