You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
