I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
