He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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