Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
