Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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