my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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