I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
