wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
