you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
