How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
