So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
