You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
