i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
