I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
