Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
