i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
