his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
