the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
