Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
