I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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