Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
