and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Screwed.edu
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
