I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
