I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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