remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize